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Karen's Blogs

Blogs are brief, to-the-point, conversational and packed with information, strategies, and tips to turn troubled eaters into “normal” eaters and to help you enjoy a happier, healthier life.Sign up by clicking "Subscribe" below and they’ll arrive in your inbox. 

The Best Parenting Style for Children

I don’t generally treat children, but I am asked a good many questions from clients about how to feed kids. I’m glad they ask because it means they understand that how they feed their children may cause or deter their progeny from developing eater disorders. Here are excerpts from a great article on nourishing children. In “Of the four parental 'feeding styles,' only one is good for kids' health, experts say,” nutritionist Lisa Drayer provides descriptions of feeding styles and why they are or aren’t useful for teaching kids how to be “normal” and nutritious eaters. ( https://www.cnn.com/2018/10/04/health/parenting-food-drayer/index.html , accessed 10/5/18) The Authoritative style is characterized by controlling what children eat—insisting that they eat certain foods and amounts of them. This style pulls children away from their natural appetites and, instead, teaches them to eat to please others (aka parents). Another control method is restricting what or how much kids eat...
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Fear Is an Excellent Motivator for Positive Change

I had a client decades ago when I worked in a Boston methadone clinic who used to tuck his stash of heroin under the trolley tracks in a hidey hole, so he’d know where it was but wouldn’t get caught by the police with it on him. He did get caught with and arrested and was then terrified about what would happen to him. When he was released from jail, we talked about how his fear response was working backwards—he felt fear after the fact when he should have felt it beforehand. The point of fear, from an evolutionary standpoint, is to keep us from doing or repeating behaviors that will harm us. We wouldn’t survive without this instinct. But some people push away useful fear and, therefore, continue to endanger themselves. For instance, I have a client with COPD who had difficulty talking about how cigarettes were destroying his health,...
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What Jane Fonda Has to Teach You About Mental Health

Whether or not you’re a fan of Jane Fonda as an actress or an activist, she has a lot to teach us about recovering from bulimia and body image disorder, discovering and expressing one’s authentic self, and achieving self-esteem. At 81, she’s far from past her prime and actually may just be reaching it. Or, so I thought, after watching Jane Fonda in Five Acts ( https://www.hbo.com/documentaries/jane-fonda-in-five-acts ). Growing up in a highly dysfunctional family, she was a sad child. Her father, the actor Henry Fonda, was far from fatherly and she wanted nothing more than to please him. Her mother suffered from depression and died by suicide when Jane was 12. Jane says that her perfectionism began at a very early age, based on the belief that if she did everything right and flawlessly, she would please and get the love she needed from her parents and others. Toward this...
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How Do You View Feeling Broken?

How do you view your “broken” spots? Are they embarrassing areas of your life that you can’t bear to think or talk about? Do they make you feel less than and as if you’ll never see yourself or be seen as normal? When you think of your mistakes and failures, do you cringe and hope that no one ever finds out about them? I seriously hope not, but if you do, this photo and the explanation that goes with it may shift your view and make you feel a whole lot better about yourself. This beautiful bowl is unique because of its fractures. I love that idea. For example, part of my uniqueness (and, oddly, my professional success) comes from having had eating disorders galore—chronic dieting, overeating/emotional/compulsive eating, and bulimia. At the time, I felt horrible about my behaviors and incredibly defective and broken. Now I look back and proudly think...
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Give Saying No to Yourself a Different Meaning

Most emotional, mindless, compulsive overeaters consider saying no to themselves a huge drag, just about the worst thing that could happen to them. That’s because “no” has a negative connotation for them from childhood. Healthy adults see “no” as positive: it balances out all the many yesses they say to themselves and puts up the proverbial guardrails on the crib so that the baby doesn’t fall out and hurt itself. It’s a self-loving, gentle reminder to think ahead to the consequences of their actions, an expression of how much they value (in Jungian terms) both expansion and containment, the voice inside that cares enough to, as my father-in-law used to joke, “Save me from myself!” What exactly does no mean to you that it’s become such an unwelcome, outlaw of a word that you can’t bear to say it around food? Here are some possibilities: No means cut out the fun....
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Does It Really Matter When We Eat?

Whether or not we take good care of our bodies, most of us have a schedule we eat on. Taking topnotch care, we may ensure that we eat early in the day to replenish our bodies nutrient-wise after a long night’s sleep and keep ourselves fortified during the day to sustain our energy. If we don’t take such great care, we may grab food on the go, refrain from eating during the day, and do our heaviest eating at night. Does it matter when we eat? Scientists think so. Here are some highlights from “When we eat or don’t eat, may be critical to our health” by Anahad O’Connor (7/24/18, accessed 9/15/18, https://www.nytimes.com/.../when-we-eat-or-dont-eat-may-be-critical-for-health.html ). “Studies show that chronically disrupting [our circadian rhythm]—by eating late meals or nibbling on midnight snacks, for example—could be a recipe for weight gain and metabolic trouble.” Satchin Panda, a professor at the Salk Institute and circadian...
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Find Many Things to Look Forward to Every Day

I often hear from clients that they seek food for pleasure when they have nothing to look forward to. I wonder how they have so narrowly constructed their lives to have so little joy, fun, and satisfaction. Most of them can’t wait for vacations, looking forward to them for months ahead of time, but such time away or off is over in a flash. What about the days they’re not on vacation? Why not put a bit more punch into them to prevent unwanted eating? I was thinking about this issue when a close friend told me on the phone that she was resuming horse-back riding after a three-year hiatus. She was excited talking about having done it once recently and feeling that she couldn’t wait to do it again. I could feel her anticipation through the phone lines. Our conversation got me thinking of an elderly woman I knew in...
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How to Stop Being Permanently Aggrieved

If you’re ever going to end your eating problems and create a satisfying life for yourself, you’ll need to give up being permanently aggrieved. Perhaps you don’t realize that this is your view life (and how others may view you) and would be wildly distressed if you were to acknowledge that you see the world as constantly stacked against you, the helpless victim who’s been cheated by life. You may feel so distressed at the idea of having this worldview that you tell yourself you don’t. Understandable, but refusing to recognize your perpetual put upon-ness is only a barrier to living the wonderful life you yearn for and deserve. So, what do I mean by being permanently aggrieved? Read on. First is looking to blame others for why you’re not happy, successful, loved, etc. Because it’s so painful to think that you could have brought unhappiness, failure, and rejection or abandonment...
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Post-Traumatic Dieting Disorder

Though I’ve treated hundreds of clients who are recovering from chronic dieting, it wasn’t until one remarked on her decades of restrictive eating making her feel as if she had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), that I recognized their similarities. Recurrent restrictive eating may, indeed, feel traumatic and recovering from dieting—not just from emotional or binge-eating—may have lingering traumatic effects. Decades recovered from restrictive eating, the memories of those awful years are still painfully vivid: the deprivation I felt from saying no to food while others ate whatever they pleased, my obsession with thinness and the intensity of shame and self-hatred I felt after my relentless bingeing, my focus on what and how much I ate above all else that sorely needed my attention, and my low self-esteem because I couldn’t seem to feed myself well no matter how hard I tried. Trauma has varying definitions, but we generally view it as...
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Reaching Goals through Pressure or Desire

I talk a lot (a whopping lot) with clients about how they feel that they need to or should do things. I’m sure they get tired of me nagging them about their word choice and approach to getting things done, but it really pays off in helping them shift to more beneficial, internal motivators. So, what better way to start off the new year than to encourage you to make a resolution to stop bullying yourself into doing things. Every time you say aloud or to yourself that you need/must/should/ought/have to do something (that is, use an external motivator), you’re putting pressure on yourself to do something. You’re trying to get yourself to act because you don’t have enough desire to do it without the pressure. So, you apply more force and ramp up the attacks on yourself, which do nothing to strengthen your desiring to do whatever it is. I...
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