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Karen's Blogs

Blogs are brief, to-the-point, conversational and packed with information, strategies, and tips to turn troubled eaters into “normal” eaters and to help you enjoy a happier, healthier life.Sign up by clicking "Subscribe" below and they’ll arrive in your inbox. 

[No unsolicited guest blogs accepted, thank you]

Let’s Hear It for Uncertainty and Confusion

uncertainty and confusion
What is it that scares some people so about being confused or uncertain? Why does not knowing throw too many folks into a tailspin or make them want to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over their heads? What if you were to value not knowing what you want or what to do and not stress about it but hang in their and learn from it? William Blake, the English poet, painter and printmaker, is quoted as saying that “Without contraries, there is no progression.” Author David Robson of The Intelligence Trap: Why Smart People Make Dumb Mistakes tells us that, “The latest neuroscience…shows that we learn best when we are confused.” Blake is saying that we need to engage with contraries (feelings, ideas, etc.) in order to emerge from them to make progress. Robson explains how we learn best when things are a bit tough, through “desirable difficulties”...
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The Importance and Value of Treats

Many dysregulated eaters crave and overeat “treats.” But, guess what: If you’re eating them all the time, they are no longer treats. That’s because a treat is something pleasurable, out of the ordinary, and not in your daily routine. It’s meant to be an occasional pleasure to the palate or boost to the spirit, but many dysregulated eaters ruin their purpose by seeking and consuming them excessively. From my own bingeing history and 30-plus years of working with troubled eaters, my take is that they often don’t enjoy life very much and seek food to increase its pleasure. That’s just plain sad. You cannot have a healthy relationship with food if you’re overly reliant on it and it’s your singular go-to for pleasure and a bounce in your step.  I’ve had clients who use vacations the same way. They’re anywhere from unhappy to miserable in their lives and seek travel to...
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baking cookies
Self-deception is a funny thing in that most of us would swear we don’t engage in this behavior, which is a way of showing that we do. One theory about self-deception is that it’s an anomaly or glitch in the 200,000-year-old brains of Homo Sapiens. However, evolutionary psychiatrist Randolph M. Nesse (author of Good Reasons for Bad Feelings), maintains that lying to ourselves has a function in the survival of our species, that is, to move us along in our primary task of procreation. As you know—if you’re honest with yourselves—the eating arena is rife with little lies. In Johare Window terms (Google it), this construct involves “what you don’t know you don’t know,” information that’s out of consciousness, aka your blind spot. Most of the time we’re unaware it exists because acknowledging it would hinder our need to feel okay. In the case of dysregulated eaters, that lack of consciousness...
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Purging After Eating

Purging After Eating
Been there done that: purging after eating, that is. I had bulimia for about 18 months in my late twenties. Back then my binge-eating was in full force and I thought that purging (a more genteel word for “vomiting”) was such a clever idea to combat overeating. This was long before the word bulimia came on the scene. No one I knew purged and I don’t recall reading anything about its health dangers. I suppose there was less shame attached to it because there was no big fuss made about it. But somehow I knew it was wrong or, at least, something I didn’t want to be doing. I finally confessed to a friend who knew about my ongoing struggles with food that I was also vomiting (let’s call it what it is), and she very caringly insisted that I find myself a therapist post haste. I think I told her...
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How to Thrive During the Holidays

I’ve written dozens of holiday blogs and articles over the decades and here’s another. You can check out previous ones in my blog archives on my website. My goal here is to provide simple guidelines for you to follow over the holidays which will help you take excellent care of yourself and make you proud of yourself.  Focus on what’s enough. Whether we’re talking about food, alcohol intake, cleaning, decorating, gift giving or partying, get in touch with what feels like the right amount for you. Ditch all-or-nothing thinking and stay connected to self-regulation. Don’t diet. Holidays are a perfect time to practice “normal” eating. Sure there are more treats around, but that just gives you more opportunity to have small amounts of foods you really love. Have a tapas mentality—a little of this and a little of that is enough. Emotional regulation. Keep tabs on your emotions. If you know...
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Embracing the Right Kind of Anger

Driving home from doing an errand, I heard an interview (shout out to NPR) about women and anger which got me thinking about how many dysregulated eaters and people with high weights—not just women—use anger in the opposite way from how it is useful. Wouldn’t it be great, I thought, if they could channel anger more effectively.  Here’s what I see and hear. In general, these clients (and others as well) are angry at things which don’t merit anger or won’t be changed by it, while they feel accepting of or helpless about things which they have a shot at changing if they direct their rage at it. For example, dysregulated eaters could be angry at the culture and the media which are overtly or covertly pressuring them to diet and hate themselves unless they lose weight Instead, they’re furious at themselves for not being or becoming slimmer.  They could be...
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Distinguishing Thoughts from Feelings

Many clients and the children, partners or parents they bring along to sessions have no idea that there’s a distinction between what they feel and what they think. Confusing the two leads to their being reactive and to poor decision-making and problem-solving. Differentiating the two is key to improving your relationship with food and your body. Here are examples to help you distinguish thoughts from feelings.  I ask a client how he feels about his job taking him away from his wife so much of the time and he responds, “I don’t really have a choice about it right now.”A client tells me that when her mother gets drunk, she’s nasty to her and I wonder how that makes her feel. She says, “Mom doesn’t mean anything by it. She’s drunk.”A client reports that his son came out to him as gay and I ask how he feels about that. He...
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Dangers of Ultra-processed Food

Grocery Shopping
If you’re a frequent reader, you know that I rarely blog about nutrition. That’s because my focus is on the how and why, not the what, of eating based on the belief that (almost) all foods can be part of the healthy, “normal” eating.  I try my best to avoid the concept of “good” and “bad” food. Broccoli does not sport a halo above its leafy stalks and no devil’s pitchfork rises out of a scoop of ice cream. One need not be a perfectly nutritional eater; occasional treats of high-sugar/high-fat foods are fine and welcome. Ultra-processed foods, however, are in a category all their own because of the manifold, negative effects they have on our bodies. In “Are Ultra-Processed Foods Making Us Fat: A new study shakes things up” (Nutrition Action Healthletter, July/August 2019, pp 3-6), Kevin Hall, PhD minces no words about the dangers of the likes of “sodas,...
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Fight for Your Life

Fight for your life
I was talking with a client about how easily the good in life had come to him as a long-time underachiever able to get by and find success with little effort, and how this attitude was now a major impediment to becoming a “normal eater”—and to his ability to literally fight for his life. The theme of not trying hard enough in one way or another echoes throughout the histories of most of my clients and is the theme of many sessions.  Not long after this conversation, a friend described hearing some neighbors complain about how people in this country who are poor, uneducated or disenfranchised are that way because they don’t try hard enough. Missing was the understanding of the part that biology and culture play in success, the recognition that we emerge from an unequal playing field, and the compassion for how hard most people do try to improve...
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Can You Really Boost Your Metabolism?

Clients who struggle to keep their weight down often ask me how they can burn more calories and boost their metabolism. They’re not asking about exercise. They’re looking for a quick fix—pharmaceutical drugs and illegal methamphetamines to help them lose weight or keep it off. Back in my dieting days, I recall taking some over-the-counter pills myself for that purpose, but all they did was to keep me awake when I wanted to sleep. Devotee of science that I am, it amazes me that people get away with making false or unproven claims that their process or product will boost metabolism. And, let me tell you, these top selling books do better than mine do which are about learning how to eat in tune with appetite. I understand why, but it still makes me angry because desperate people are getting duped into something that doesn’t work. Says Michael Jensen, director of...
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This website is owned and operated by Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW. It contains material intended for informational and educational purposes only, and reasonable effort is made to keep its contents updated. Any material contained herein is not to be construed as the practice of clinical social work or of psychotherapy, although adherence to applicable Florida States, Rules, and Code of Ethics is observed. Material on this website is not intended as a substitute for medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment for mental health issues or eating disorder problems, which should be done only through individualized therapeutic consultation. Karen R. Koenig, LCSW disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained on this website. This website contains links to other sites. The inclusion of such links does not necessarily constitute endorsement by Karen R. Koenig, LCSW who disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained in this website. Further, Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, does not and cannot guarantee the accuracy or current usefulness of the material contained in the linked sites. Users of any website must be aware of the limitation to confidentiality and privacy, and website usage does not carry any guarantee or privacy of any information contained therein.  Privacy Policy