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Karen's Blogs

Blogs are brief, to-the-point, conversational and packed with information, strategies, and tips to turn troubled eaters into “normal” eaters and to help you enjoy a happier, healthier life.Sign up by clicking "Subscribe" below and they’ll arrive in your inbox. 

Stop Rebelling and Take Better Care of Yourself

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (Wikipedia, retrieved 5/4/18, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1_Corinthians_13) Although I’m a secular person, this bible quote (in reality, an afterthought to this blog) aptly describes what I want to say. I know I’m taking a more direct tack here than I usually do but, honestly, I’m not sure how to awaken clients and other dysregulated eaters to the fact that time’s a wastin’. I can only do my best to speak to you as mature people, which includes laying out some unavoidable and perhaps harsh truths. You can rebel against eating rules and how others want you to look or eat, or you can be an adult and take effective care of yourself no matter what others think or say—but you can’t be or...
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The (Very Big) Difference Between Worry and Problem-solving

After two sessions in a row with clients discussing problem-solving versus worrying, I realized that they’d been confusing the two activities and, therefore, were making themselves more anxious by worrying when they thought that what they were doing would reduce it. If you’re a worrier, this blog will help you understand its false promise. Worrying, a misguided attempt to reduce anxiety which generally produces more of it, takes place in a closed looped within the mind. It’s an internal process, an intra-psychic phenomenon. Like a dog chasing its tail, thoughts race around in repeating circles without getting anywhere. We imagine various scenarios and outcomes, but our fears remain, so we return to generating more or better solutions. It’s like trying to know what the weather is like when you’re indoors. You can’t. You need to step outside to find out. Problem-solving, on the other hand, takes place outside of your mind...
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Are You Stuck Between Blame and Shame?

Unfortunately, most women I talk to have been victims of sexual assault or harassment at some point in their lives. I’m sure many men have been as well. These events occur on a continuum from minor to major and can do lasting psychological damage. For survivors of such incidents, it’s important that you don’t simply push them out of memory or take on the shame that you are in any way to blame. How you view what happened to you is part of how you relate to your body. Here are some do’s and don’ts for survivors that also need to be understood by those who are close to them. I speak as someone who has encountered sexual assault in various forms over my life-time—an attempted rape in college, in my 20s narrowly escaping being forced into my apartment building by a man who was trying to assault me, a doctor...
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Loving Without Desiring

When I first came across the concept of loving, but not desiring something, I thought it brilliant. It’s from in A Child In Time (page 255), a book by one of my favorite fiction authors, Ian McEwan. Referencing feeling stuck mourning his beloved young daughter several years after her kidnapping, a character in the novel says, “I had to go on loving her, but I had to stop desiring her.” This concept could apply to almost anything. Especially food. The phrase hit home because I’d been out to dinner with a good friend the evening before coming across it and we’d been discussing how to handle her food cravings. She insisted that she loved the chocolate cake in this particular restaurant which, she explained, made it impossible to resist it. As I’d learned to love certain foods without desiring them in order to become a “normal” eater, I wish I’d had...
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Eating from Emotional Depletion

Although we’ve evolved to eat when our internal food gauge dips to empty, instead, many dysregulated eaters mistakenly turn to food when they’re emotionally depleted. Sometimes our ability to take care of things or people can simply drain us to the point of having nothing left to give. Then, rather than rejuvenate ourselves with sleep, relaxation, joy or rest, we turn to food and can’t get enough of what we didn’t need in the first place. There are a number of ways that we may become emotionally depleted. What they all have in common is putting out more emotional energy than we’re taking in. * Being the go to person. If you’re all things to all people, you’re going to be running on empty far too often. If you say yes to every request—from your kids, partner, friends, parents, siblings, boss, co-workers or neighbors—you’re going to feel exhausted most of the...
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Struggles with Siblings

In therapy, clients sometimes discuss their struggles with siblings. From them, I’ve learned that siblings (for which this only child yearned in childhood) can be both a blessing and a curse, in youth and adulthood. Here’s are some of the problems I see. A common issue is competitiveness. Maybe you were the “golden” child or perhaps it was your sibling. If you were the favorite, your siblings might have felt neglected and treated unfairly. If one of your siblings was the favorite, you might have struggled with feeling you never measure up. Or maybe your parents didn’t have much inclination or time to shower you with attention, so that you all ended up vying for it then—and now. Another problem is when one sibling in the family gets all (or most) of the attention in childhood due to having had a medical or mental condition which generates a need for trips...
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When Self-care Tells You What and What Not to Eat

In a local pharmacy, I passed through the “nut” aisle and found myself tumbling back in time to 40 years ago in my local food mart searching for WheatNuts®. They “were originally developed by Pillsbury in the late 1970s and had been on the marketplace for 35 years before being pulled off the market by Anacon Foods in late 2013,” and “are a cult classic snack product that has a nationwide following of die hard Wheat Nutters.” (nadanut.com) I had been such a die-hard, and now I fear that if I’d continued to wolf them down as I did then, I would have died hard—and sooner rather than later. I remember downing a jar of them on my way to meet friends for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Arriving early, sitting in my car and enjoying their uniquely amazing crunch and nutty flavor, I was whisked away to Planet Ecstasy until...
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Resist Pressure to Be What You Are Not

How many of your problems are due to not being true to yourself? Not being authentic and knowing exactly who you are, recognizing your preferences and distastes. Many of my clients with eating dysregulation tell me they’ve been people-pleasers for so long that they’ve become disconnected from their own needs and desires. And you? I was reminded of authenticity by two dinners with friends. First was the night my husband and I dined out with a couple who are wine connoisseurs who spent a good deal of time discussing what wine to order. I, on the other hand, ordered a low-priced Chardonnay because I always joke that I’m a Ripple girl at heart—someone who lacks a sensitive palate for the taste of high quality alcohol. Since that’s the case, I don’t bother to fuss about wine and can live with my ignorance. Then the next week we dined out with neighbors,...
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Using Probability to Counter Anxiety and Decrease Emotional Eating

Anxious people tend to lump all their anxieties together—running out of gas on a road trip, their spouse leaving them for someone younger, failing an exam, dying in a plane crash, or losing their wallet. The truth is that all of these things are possible, but each has a different probability. By looking at the likelihood of events that frighten us, we can reduce anxiety, live more comfortably in the world, and reduce emotional eating. Remember, just because it’s possible for something to happen, does not mean that it will. Stop and think if you confuse or equate possibility with absolute certainty. Do you automatically fear and believe that whatever is causing your worry is a definite? By that, I mean do you take all of your fears seriously and give them equal weight? If so, you will be anxious a great deal of the time. While it is true that...
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What Higher Weight Adult Children Want Their Parents to Know About Them

Some of my most heart-breaking work is with higher weight adults and their parents, usually mothers. The pain of both child and parent is evident, as is their frustration, confusion and helplessness about how to discuss matters of weight. I write this blog to give guidance to both parties partaking in this family therapy experience. Generally parents (usually Mom) and adult children (usually Daughter) haven’t been in therapy together, but sometimes times they have a long, unhappy history of family therapy. In either case, here’s what each typically feels as therapy begins. My higher weight client feels highly vulnerable speaking directly with her mother about such a tender subject, for the first or umpteenth time, expecting to be blamed and shamed. Equally, Mom (or Dad, or Dad and Mom) come in feeling frustrated, helpless and guilty. Most often Mom is also worried about her child’s health which adds to the difficulty...
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