Why do we seem so surprised when things pop up that are a pain in the butt or a knife in the heart? Why is it such a shock to the system? We think, “Honestly, after having such a great day, now I have to deal with this (whatever this is). Why can’t things just go right?” We’re taken aback when things go wrong because we don’t dare believe “bad” things happen no matter how healthy, rich, wise, smart, or good we are. 

For example, you enjoy a lovely day working in the garden, pot-lucking with friends, finishing a riveting book, or visiting with favorite family members and that night or the next day the washing machine breaks down, your boss calls you into their office to discuss a project of yours that didn’t go well, or your child falls and breaks a leg. 

Life consists of ups and downs, good and bad happenings, the most ecstatic joy imaginable as well as the most unbearable rip-your-guts out pain. Rather than accept such a harsh reality, we run to drink, drugs, or food, etc. because the truth seems too depressing. Instead, we wish and hope for only pleasurable experiences and, therefore, contort our thinking in ways that make us believe we can actually avoid things that don’t feel good. (You may even be thinking right now, “Why is this blog such a downer? Doesn’t she have anything more uplifting to write about?) 

What makes things worse is that blindly hoping that bad things won’t befall us seems hard-wired into us. Then we’re either not taught the truth about life’s infinite downside or have had enough hardship already. Who wants to think awful thoughts anyway? So, we’re left with an internal clash of opposing thoughts and feelings: holding hope hardship won’t befall us or those we love, while fearing it might because, well, that’s life.

It’s time to stop asking why “bad” things happen, leave denial behind, and accept life’s unpredictable flow. No matter how nicely you ask, bad things will refuse to line up single file and happen only when you’re ready for them (like never) or multiple catastrophes will come crashing down on you all at once leaving you breathless and helpless.

So, how can we take it all in and expect that good times will end and so will bad times, some things will break and be fixed or replaced or need to be tossed out, our plans will go badly awry, and life is as full of pain as it is of joy? Since we can’t control much of life, we must abide by a useful set of rules: 1) Refuse to live in denial and have the courage to see reality as it is, 2) Grab as much healthy pleasure as possible, 3) Don’t take misfortune personally, and 4) Manage your reactions to life as best you can.

Best,

Karen