karen header 3

Karen's Blogs

Blogs are brief, to-the-point, conversational and packed with information, strategies, and tips to turn troubled eaters into “normal” eaters and to help you enjoy a happier, healthier life.Sign up by clicking "Subscribe" below and they’ll arrive in your inbox. 

[No unsolicited guest blogs accepted, thank you]

So What If Change Takes Effort

So-What-If-Change-Takes-Effort

Lately it seems that more clients than ever are complaining about how hard it is to change. It’s likely that the stress of the pandemic is a contributor to life being more arduous and generating a larger chorus of frustrations. But there’s more to it than that.

Thinking about this issue brings me back to when I was getting my Masters degree in Education. I had some minor problem and asked to see my professor about it. I don’t remember exactly what I said but it boiled down to my insisting that something was unfair. As if it were yesterday, rather than the late 1970s, I clearly remember her response as she looked at me in astonishment and asked, “Whatever made you think life was going to be fair?” Her comment was a game-changer for my life. Why indeed?

A similar question could be asked about why many of us feel there’s something amiss when life doesn’t go smoothly or when we need to amp up the pressure to get over life’s hurdles: What makes people believe life will ever be smooth and easy? Sadly, most clients who desperately wish life would be a bit more manageable had dysfunctional childhoods. Is this what causes them to fantasize that when they grow up difficulties will have melted away? Understandable. Or are they so weary from abusive childhoods, that their hearts cry out for something light and lovely?

Either way, what’s the point of telling ourselves, “This is hard”? By saying so, especially repeatedly, we’re orienting our brains toward underscoring difficulty, which usually only makes us anxious. Saying that something you want to do or have been doing is hard will only make it harder. Sure acknowledge that it’s challenge, but then move on. 

And what’s wrong with life being hard or difficult? Why is that bad? A few things in life come easily, but having that expectation is going on a fool’s errand. Wanting and only questing after what is easy or comfortable will teach you nothing about life or expand your horizons or abilities. You’ll never change or grow and will, in many ways, remain a child while the rest of us slip and slide into adulthood.

The question to ask when we’re about to do something isn’t, “Is it easy?” but “Is it doable or worthwhile?” No matter if it’s easy or hard, if someone can do it—especially if many people have done it—it’s likely that you can too. Stop fussing so much about things being hard. Doing hard things is worthwhile and that’s the point. Figure out what you want to do—go back to school, leave your spouse, move out from your parents’ home—and then go after it full tilt. After it’s done, you’ll be proud that it was worth it precisely because it was so hard.

 

Best, 

Karen

 

Beware of Projection
What I Wish I Knew During My Eating Disorder

By accepting you will be accessing a service provided by a third-party external to https://www.karenrkoenig.com/

shelf new

EBProfessionalBadgeLarge

This website is owned and operated by Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW. It contains material intended for informational and educational purposes only, and reasonable effort is made to keep its contents updated. Any material contained herein is not to be construed as the practice of clinical social work or of psychotherapy, although adherence to applicable Florida States, Rules, and Code of Ethics is observed. Material on this website is not intended as a substitute for medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment for mental health issues or eating disorder problems, which should be done only through individualized therapeutic consultation. Karen R. Koenig, LCSW disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained on this website. This website contains links to other sites. The inclusion of such links does not necessarily constitute endorsement by Karen R. Koenig, LCSW who disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained in this website. Further, Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, does not and cannot guarantee the accuracy or current usefulness of the material contained in the linked sites. Users of any website must be aware of the limitation to confidentiality and privacy, and website usage does not carry any guarantee or privacy of any information contained therein.  Privacy Policy