Karen's Blogs

Blogs are brief, to-the-point, conversational, and packed with information, strategies, and tips to turn troubled eaters into “normal” eaters and to help you enjoy a happier, healthier life. Sign up by clicking "Subscribe" below and they’ll arrive in your inbox. 

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Second-guessing Yourself

Perhaps like many people with eating problems you second guess yourself a lot. You may be insecure, lack confidence, and worry that you’re not making “the right” decisions. It may take an unusually long time for you to make a decision to begin with and, even after it’s finally made, doubts nag at you. Having second thoughts makes you more anxious and brings more doubts. Well, here’s my take on the subject.

Big decisions come with mixed feelings and we shouldn’t expect that they’ll disappear the instant we choose to go this way and not that way. Doubts are normal. It’s interpreting their existence incorrectly that sends you into a tailspin, thinking that a doubt means there’s something wrong with what you’ve decided, that you haven’t thought things through well enough, or that you need to back up and reconsider.

Usually, if a decision has been a long time in the making, doubts linger to give you a chance to affirm that you are moving in the right direction. Every time you have a post-decision second thought, you have a chance to use evidence and clear thinking and confirm that you made the correct choice. They’re called second thoughts because they come after the first one, which is the one moving you in an intuitive direction. For example, say after painstaking soul-searching and therapy, you decide to leave your marriage. You’ve weighed the pros and cons and agonized and hemmed and hawed but know in your heart it’s time to go. You’ve made your decision.

But you still have doubts and second guess yourself. Instead of thinking you maybe should stay married because you shouldn’t have misgivings, consider them as helping you strengthen your certainty that you must leave. If each time you have a doubt you can convince yourself that the marriage isn’t working, you’re actually building evidence and confidence about how to live a happier life. Wisdom comes from second guessing yourself, overcoming the doubt, confirming your choice, and moving forward.

Rather than fear doubt and second thoughts, use them as a way to reaffirm your decision and reassure yourself that you’re heading in the right direction. Refuse to allow second thoughts to make you uncomfortable. Instead, be welcoming and invite them in as a way to reinforce your resolve. Then take out your mental list of why you need to do whatever you’ve decided to do and cross off those misgivings one by one. Merely by viewing second guessing in a positive rather than a negative light, you’ll be taking the power away from your doubts and, without power, they will eventually disappear.

Knowledge versus Understanding
Giving Others What You Want

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