Karen's Blogs
Blogs are brief, to-the-point, conversational, and packed with information, strategies, and tips to turn troubled eaters into “normal” eaters and to help you enjoy a happier, healthier life. Sign up by clicking "Subscribe" below and they’ll arrive in your inbox.
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Karen's Blogs
Not Everyone is as Nice as You Are
- Maybe you were raised to see only the good in people and told never to be judgmental. As a child, when you said something critical about someone, you were told that, “You need to be understanding” or “You shouldn’t say things like that.” In this way, you came to believe that you were wrong or bad if you acknowledged traits in people that were hurtful to you, others, or to themselves.
- Religion often teaches us to turn the other cheek. This means ignoring the hurt that someone does to you by trying to rise about condemnation and give them chance after chance. We set ourselves up for pain when we do this too often.
- You may have been taught that if you really love and care for someone you can change their behavior. While it’s true that being loved can do wonders for people’s self-esteem and self-worth, it’s no panacea. No amount of love on its own will change a narcissistically, sociopathically or psychopathically disordered person because these disorders begin in early childhood and even psychotherapy, more often than not, cannot eliminate them.
- You may recognize someone as deeply flawed, but view yourself as so defective that you think you deserve someone equally imperfect. I’m no angle, you might think, so why should he be? You might make excuses for someone’s meanness or neglect because you think of these behaviors as commensurate with your own faults. You may believe that once you improve your behavior, someone else will too.
- Once you’re deeply involved with this kind of person, as are my abused clients, it’s more difficult to acknowledge the truth. This dynamic is called sunk cost fallacy, feeling that you’re in so deep that you might as well stay because leaving is more difficult than staying and because it means you’ve misjudged the person all along. To remain, you struggle to focus on the good in someone and change the bad. Sadly, this doesn’t work.
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This website is owned and operated by Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW. It contains material intended for informational and educational purposes only, and reasonable effort is made to keep its contents updated. Any material contained herein is not to be construed as the practice of clinical social work or of psychotherapy, although adherence to applicable Florida States, Rules, and Code of Ethics is observed. Material on this website is not intended as a substitute for medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment for mental health issues or eating disorder problems, which should be done only through individualized therapeutic consultation. Karen R. Koenig, LCSW disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained on this website. This website contains links to other sites. The inclusion of such links does not necessarily constitute endorsement by Karen R. Koenig, LCSW who disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained in this website. Further, Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, does not and cannot guarantee the accuracy or current usefulness of the material contained in the linked sites. Users of any website must be aware of the limitation to confidentiality and privacy, and website usage does not carry any guarantee or privacy of any information contained therein.
