Every time I read an article that describes the “right” approach to eating or the actions to take to do just about anything—balance your life, be successful, make and keep friends, etc—I cringe. Really, I do. Sure, there are things other people know that we don’t, but when it comes to knowledge about your wants and needs, only you have the answers.

I also recognize that many of you don’t trust yourselves which comes from years of trying to trust yourself and failing spectacularly. So now you’re reluctant to listen to what your body says about when, what and how much to eat; when to go to sleep and awaken; how to balance work and play; and steps to take to enjoy life.

Yes, there are best practices for many things which are based on proven science: smoking cigarettes isn’t healthy, nor is going without adequate sleep, isolating from friends and family, or texting and driving. Let’s call some things like these givens. But there are other things, important ways of being, about which only you have the answers.

I was talking with a client recently about when to eat. We spent practically an entire session exploring how she would know the answer. Forget TikTok, YouTube or even your doctor or dietician: only you know when you’re hungry enough to eat. Yes, some studies say you must eat breakfast every day, but if the thought of food first thing when you awaken makes you gag, wait a bit, and eat later when your body craves food.

I met a woman recently in her early 80s who stays up til around 1:00 in the morning every night and gets up at 10 or 11 the next day. She’s been doing it for decades and seems in fine form both mentally and physically. Would I recommend that schedule for everyone? Of course not. But it works for her, so who am I to tell her she’s wrong?

I eat many mini-meals during the day and have for half my life. That fits my appetite and schedule. My husband eats two big meals a day and has for ages. People kid me that I’m always eating, and it may seem that way, but from my eating disorder days I don’t like being either hungry or full, so numerous mini-meals are my chosen path. 

Why are you so afraid of following your body’s and mind’s desires? Perhaps because your brain overflows with shoulds. Shoulds are the best and fastest way to make wrong decisions because they’re usually exactly what your mind or body doesn’t want. What works: rest when you need to, move your body because you want to, eat when you’re hungry and say no to food when you’re not. Seek self-pride. Practice being exquisitely in tune to yourself. Pay attention to your smallest needs. No one knows you like you do. 

Best,

Karen