An article on ways therapists could do a better job asking how clients are faring sexually made me wonder if I may be guilty of dodging the subject. I’ve posted several blogs that touch on sex, so I’ve put it out there for discussion. My point in bringing it up here is to say sexual health is part of well-being and may be an issue that bothers you which you don’t speak about, especially if you’re higher weight and/or have body shame.

First off, as adults, let’s agree there’s nothing wrong with talking about sex or sexual health. It’s time to toss archaic religious views and teachings on the subject as taboo or nasty and look at sexual health and enjoyment as a birthright right along with mental, emotional, and physical health. It should not be a verboten subject as it often seems to be in our ostensibly advanced culture. Sex involves anything from kissing to touching/petting to intercourse to oral sex to non-injurious kinky stuff that people enjoy. 

That said, how’s your sex life? Do you even have one? Of course, some people are asexual and don’t want one and that’s fine too as long as it’s for healthy reasons.

People have different problems with sex. Some want more and don’t know how to ask for it, find lovers, or what to say to their partner who isn’t all that interested in fooling around. Then there are folks who want less or no sex and their partners want more. With partner issues, I have to almost force clients to stay on topic because they’re so uncomfortable talking about “doing it.” Who do you talk to about your sexual desires or lack thereof or the fact that they’re not being reciprocated?

Higher weight people often have body shame that makes them feel unentitled to have a healthy sex life. If they don’t like their body, who would? If they’re single, they don’t seek out partners due to fear of being rejected. If they’re part of a couple, they find excuses for not having sex, hoping their partner will get the hint and stop broaching the subject. Or they’re with partners who only find them sexually attractive at a lower weight.

There are several issues here. The first is the afore-mentioned outdated religious teachings that malign sex and sexuality to the point where people find the subject icky to even talk about which leaves them suffering in silence. The second is our you-should-be-ashamed-of-your-fat-body culture. That’s a lot to get past to achieve sexual health, but possible. So, my suggestions are to find one person to speak to about how you feel about sex—a friend, family member, or therapist—and read my sex and sexuality blogs—https://www.karenrkoenig.com/blog/sexuality,

https://www.karenrkoenig.com/blog/childhood-sexuality-and-intimacy, 

https://www.karenrkoenig.com/blog/sex-and-food, 

https://www.karenrkoenig.com/blog/being-fat-and-feeling-sexy, 

https://www.karenrkoenig.com/blog/binge-eating-intimacy-and-sex—and check out this website recommended by a client.

Best,

Karen