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How to Stop Being Permanently Aggrieved

If you’re ever going to end your eating problems and create a satisfying life for yourself, you’ll need to give up being permanently aggrieved. Perhaps you don’t realize that this is your view life (and how others may view you) and would be wildly distressed if you were to acknowledge that you see the world as constantly stacked against you, the helpless victim who’s been cheated by life. You may feel so distressed at the idea of having this worldview that you tell yourself you don’t. Understandable, but refusing to recognize your perpetual put upon-ness is only a barrier to living the wonderful life you yearn for and deserve. So, what do I mean by being permanently aggrieved? Read on.

First is looking to blame others for why you’re not happy, successful, loved, etc. Because it’s so painful to think that you could have brought unhappiness, failure, and rejection or abandonment upon yourself, you choose to think that it’s someone else’s fault. There is a touch of narcissism in this attitude: It can’t be me, so it must be them—those individuals who hurt, deserted, misunderstood, betrayed, or rejected you. This doesn’t mean that you don’t beat yourself up for your unhappiness, but that you don’t see yourself as the agent of change you could be.

Second is focusing on your hurts and hindrances more than on your happiness. If you want to feel aggrieved, you can always find some way to do it every minute of every day. There are people out there that you know don’t like or value you, who won’t hire or love you, who don’t want you on their team and whose hearts you’ll never win. This is true for all of us, not just you. We all want to belong and be loved and we all will suffer hurt because this doesn’t happen when we want it to.

Third is comparing yourself to others in a judgmental way that always makes you feel less than. You know, thinking that others are smarter, more lovable, nicer, sharper, richer, luckier or more attractive than you are. There will always be people who are more whatever than you. And there will always be people who are less whatever than you. But people who feel aggrieved don’t take in the whole picture and, instead, obsess about what they don’t have that others do.

Get the picture? And is it a picture of you? If you see yourself in my description, don’t fall into self-judgment, but switch on your self-compassion and accept that you are this way and can change. Those are the operative words here: can change. Feel proud that you are able to see the truth and trust that you can shift your view of yourself vis a vis the world because permanently aggrieved is simply not what you wish to be. Ask those close to you for help. Find a therapist to help you move on. Grow, heal and empower yourself and leave victimhood behind.

Best,

Karen

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