It’s obviously important to think before we act, but thinking too much before (and after) taking action cannot only prevent us from making wise decisions, but it can drive up anxiety, indecision, second-guessing and self-doubt. If you stress yourself out overthinking, read on to learn how to break this pattern.

The first time Christos came into my office, he spent most of the session explaining how he wasn’t sure if he needed therapy or not. He’d even brought a list of pros and cons for meeting with me. When I tried to steer him away from obsessing about his decision, he ignored my questions and simply returned to his internal debate. When I mentioned that all the work he was doing trying decide about therapy seemed to be stressing him out, he agreed but added that he wanted to be careful and make the right decision. After deciding he’d give therapy a try, we talked about his overthinking and how believing it would diminish his high anxiety had actually become a major cause of it.

What is overthinking? According to Can’t Stop Overthinking? Here’s What Experts Say Actually Helps, it happens when our “inner dialogue becomes repetitive and unproductive,” like mindless chatter or irritating background noise. We constantly wonder what could go wrong even when things are going right. We ruminate, going over and over things that didn’t work out as we’d hoped. We try to control the future, down to every last detail, to make it perfect. Or we’re rolling merrily along and suddenly a weird thought pops into our head (will Mom like my birthday gift to her, my boss looks like he hates me, what happens if my dog jumps out the car window while I’m driving) and then we’re caught up in stressing about why the thought even occurred.

“Whatever shape your thoughts take, and whether they’re mostly draining your brain or causing you actual distress, if you find yourself treading the same territory without moving on or taking action, you’re probably overthinking.” Some clients come into therapy knowing they’re overthinkers and wanting to stop. Others have no idea that obsessing about the past and future is an unhealthy, unproductive habit and assume that everyone stresses the way they do.

The first step in changing this behavior is to acknowledge it as a habit that at some point in early life was adaptive but is now maladaptive. Notice how it keeps you stuck in inaction, but don’t come down hard on yourself. Instead, evaluate your thoughts and decide you don’t want to continue the habit. Then gently shift your focus away from stressful thoughts to something positive, productive, and pleasant. Repeat as needed. 

Best,

Karen