I’d never heard the term trauma dumping until I read an article about it, but I’d certainly come into contact with the behavior. Clinical psychologist Carla Manly explains that “Unlike venting, trauma dumping is done in an ‘unsolicited, unprepared way, where a person dumps traumatic thoughts, feelings, energy onto an unsuspecting person,’ whether it be a close friend or a stranger.” 

Trauma dumping may be something you do to others or someone does to you. It’s neither venting nor oversharing. Generally short-lived, venting is meant to release powerful emotions, we often feel better after doing it, and no one’s the worse for it. Oversharing occurs when someone pours out grievances inappropriately—in the wrong setting, for example. Neither behaviors need necessarily involve traumatic experience.

Manly explains that “an issue arises when serious information is shared without permission, in an inappropriate place and time, and to someone who may not have had the capacity to take in this information." For instance, say you bump into a co-worker you barely know on the way to work and casually ask how she’s doing. Without warning, she blurts out that she was nearly raped at a party the night before, including horrific details of what happened, speaking so loudly that people stare at the two of you. 

As traumatic memories erupt, she’s re-experiencing the attempted rape and you haven’t a clue what to say or do. Her urge to purge these memories is so strong that she’s not thinking about whether what she’s saying is appropriate for you or to the setting, nor about what she wants from sharing. Her behavior is visceral and unconscious.

Do you pour your heart out about present or current abuse at the drop of a hat or feel unable to stop spewing about your pain even after sensing people wish you’d stop? If this happens frequently, you’ll want to talk to a therapist, someone trained in healing trauma who can help you feel and manage your memories more appropriately.

Or do you feel victimized by people trauma dumping on you? These folks suffer such overwhelming emotional pain that they engage in trauma dumping whether it’s helpful appropriate. Without caring about who or where or when, hurt gushes out of them as a way to try and exorcise their demons. 

People who trauma dump on you regularly will exhaust your patience and compassion and need professional help beyond your capability. Do tell them you feel badly for their pain, then direct them toward therapy and, if need be, help them find a therapist. 

Best,

Karen