Karen's Blogs

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How to Get Treated with Respect

Not being treated with respect by a boss, spouse, partner, colleague, parent, child, co-worker, or whomever may drive you to seek comfort in food. If you want respect, you must act in ways that make crystal clear that you will settle for nothing less. Here’s how.

If someone is determined to be mean, critical, shaming, hurtful and disrespectful, there’s often nothing you can do about it. But more often than not, you hold the power to command respect and don’t use it. Think of the times you’ve repeatedly been spoken to rudely and not called someone on it, have failed to stand up for yourself when a defense was exactly what was required, or have let people walk all over you—then headed straight for the cookie jar. Those behaviors are on you, not on the folks who’ve been rude or cruel, because you failed to show yourself respect. So...

  • Stop apologizing for things you didn’t do wrong. If you make a mistake, say you’re sorry once (maybe twice), and that’s it. Avoid saying “I’m sorry” as a habit.
  • When someone asks you an inappropriate question or makes an unreasonable demand, pay attention to how you feel. Your initial, habitual reaction might be anxiety. With reflection, however, you may realize that you feel rightfully angry about being scolded, teased, or taken advantage of. Anger is exactly what you want to be feeling, so let it build and see what response it may lead to.
  • If someone makes harsh comments about you, stop them cold and say you refuse to listen to the way their sentiments are being phrased or the tone they’re using. Keep insisting until they express themselves appropriately. Or walk away.
  • If someone speaks negatively about you but fails to actually ask you a question, you have no obligation to respond. Depending on the situation, stand up for yourself, just listen or walk away. Statements do not require response.
  • Tell people when they’re being disrespectful. If you’re afraid they’re going to get nastier or blow up, you’re in an unhealthy relationship. We should have no fear of people we’re close to. If you do, it’s time to make it abundantly clear that you will not tolerate being bullied and that you will remove yourself from the relationship. Learn to spot bullies right off and keep a safe distance, even if they’re family.

There are people out there who thrive on hurting others and find folks like you who will accept the hurt while avoiding those who won’t. Which would you rather be? You’ll be amazed at how people quit disrespecting you when you start respecting yourself.

Happiness and Eating

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This website is owned and operated by Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW. It contains material intended for informational and educational purposes only, and reasonable effort is made to keep its contents updated. Any material contained herein is not to be construed as the practice of clinical social work or of psychotherapy, although adherence to applicable Florida States, Rules, and Code of Ethics is observed. Material on this website is not intended as a substitute for medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment for mental health issues or eating disorder problems, which should be done only through individualized therapeutic consultation. Karen R. Koenig, LCSW disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained on this website. This website contains links to other sites. The inclusion of such links does not necessarily constitute endorsement by Karen R. Koenig, LCSW who disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained in this website. Further, Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, does not and cannot guarantee the accuracy or current usefulness of the material contained in the linked sites. Users of any website must be aware of the limitation to confidentiality and privacy, and website usage does not carry any guarantee or privacy of any information contained therein.