During one week, two clients changed right in front of my eyes. Though for privacy reasons, I changed some details about them here, I tried to stay true to their epiphanies. As I’ve been working with both for several years, I know their accomplishments weren’t fly-by-night transformations. 

Client 1, Raul, a 35-year-old man with PTSD from childhood and military service shared this: “So, maybe my life change is happening because I recognize my PTSD, anxiety, etc. I mean I see it when it’s happening. I’m now able to share my feelings, even cry, or stand up for myself in an adult way. Ok, so really I am finally allowing myself to feel, and I agree with the feeling. One of those feelings is I love myself. I really do.”

Raul has gone from being a trauma victim to trauma survivor and is now enjoying post-traumatic growth. He’s still a bit wary of people and of the world, but it’s balanced out with caring for and being cared for by others and experiencing building joy into his life. He recognizes he made some poor choices and deep in his heart no longer wants to continue to make them because he finally loves himself and knows he deserves better.

Client 2, Carole, a 72-year-old trauma survivor who spent her life being victimized andtaking care of others, now understands that everything bad thing that happens in life isn’t her fault, she’s no more defective than anyone else, and she has a right to feel good about herself in spite of having had alcoholic parents and growing up in poverty. She reflects, “It never occurred to me that I was as good as everyone else. Now I see we all have problems and secrets and ghosts from the past. I no longer think ‘It must be me, what’s wrong with me?’ I recognize other people have messed up lives too.”

Her turning point was when she got angry at her abusive husband and told him she’d pour a glass of water over his head if he didn’t stop yelling at her. He wouldn’t shut up and got a dousing. He’s treating her better now, though not as well as she deserves. 

We all wish therapy would heal us quickly and sometimes it does. But most often, it takes a while. The important thing to recognize is that you can turn corners and do 180s which comes at the end of a process and often includes many attempts to change yourself. The only way you won’t succeed is if you give up. Growth happens when you set an intention, put attention on it, practice, fail to practice, return to practice, want to give up, renew your determination, and repeat this cycle over and over as needed.

Look at and to people who’ve changed their lives and learn how to change yours. 

Best,

Karen