One of the models I learned that explains human development is Milton Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development: trust, independence, initiative, accomplishment, identity, relationships, contribution, reflection. Erikson, who was a child psychologist, believed that at each stage of development, we face a crisis and that “by resolving it, we develop psychological strengths that help us become confident and healthy people.”

He conceived of these stages as lasting from months to years, starting in infancy and ending in late adulthood. We now know that learning is neither so clear cut nor linear. However, his understanding of human nature and maturity still hold true. 

We want to learn to trust early on because we’re totally dependent on adults for everything. Our initial relationships override all others and neurologically set up the wiring for us to feel safe with and trust other people to help and take care of us. If you don’t feel emotionally safe with people, something went awry in your upbringing.

We want a strong sense of autonomy to feel independent and empowered enough to function well on our own. If children don’t gain these skills, they may feel ashamed of themselves, insecure, self-doubting, and not learn to trust their own instincts and desires. Get it, first they trust others, then themselves.

We want to learn to initiate which brings us a stronger sense of self that comes from being encouraged to try new things. If we’re not allowed to make mistakes or fail, we develop a sense of guilt and shame at doing things wrong and not pleasing others.

We want a sense of industry which means viewing ourselves as productive and valuing that feeling. If we’re not encouraged to follow our hearts, we risk believing we’re not good enough and never will be and will be left feeling inadequate and unsatisfied.

We want to figure out our identity, what we like and dislike, who we are and are not. We do this through continuing to try new things, falling and moving forward. If others have no expectations of us, we feel adrift. Too high expectations, on the other hand, are a set up for perfectionism or giving up.

We want to value and enjoy intimacy which involves being close to and vulnerable with others. If we don’t make healthy connections, we feel alone and are then less likely to reach out to others. Intimacy is a special state of closeness that is like no other.

We want to figure out what we’re doing on this planet and how we’re going to better it, which is called generativity. This may involve great or small works as we pass along what we’ve learned and value to our own children or to humankind. Without this desire to find meaning, we may feel depressed and see no point in life.

We want to face whether we’re satisfied with the life we’ve lived and come to terms with our regrets, which we all have. We either feel integrity for how we’ve lived or despair that we haven’t measured up to our own or others’ expectations.

All of the above might seem a tall order for humans, but not if you think of them as guides rather than goals. I’ve found them very useful both professionally and personally. 

Best,

Karen