Blogs are brief, to-the-point, conversational, and packed with information, strategies, and tips to turn troubled eaters into “normal” eaters and to help you enjoy a happier, healthier life. Sign up by clicking "Subscribe" below and they’ll arrive in your inbox.
[No unsolicited guest blogs accepted, thank you]
Let me get this straight. Many of you are afraid to try something because you might be disappointed, right? But so many disregulated eaters are already hugely disappointed in themselves, in their behavior, in failing to achieve their goals. So are you saying you’ll be more disappointed if you try something and fail than if you don’t try at all? Aren’t you disappointed now for not persisting until you succeed? Even if you only achieve half (or a third or an eighth) of what you want, won’t you be proud of yourself for trying? Maybe the problem is thinking not incrementally, but in all-or-nothing terms.
Yup, pretzel logic about disappointment is alive and well and living in the hearts and minds of disregulated eaters. I hear it all the time: I’m afraid to try because if I fail I’ll be disappointed. First of all, who says you have to be disappointed if you try and fail? Instead, why not think, “Good for me, at least I tried. I’m brave and courageous and maybe next time I’ll succeed.” Disappointment is not a necessary result of failure. You choose it as one response among many others. And even if you’re a bit disappointed, so what? It will pass, especially if you make it your business to let it go.
Folks who fear disappointment generally had too much of it as children or were shielded from experiencing it by well-intentioned parents. The job of parents is to model handling disappointment well, to not regularly disappoint their offspring, and to help children manage the inevitable downers of childhood. Maybe you never learned to handle disappointment effectively because your parents couldn’t soothe you or because they couldn’t bear to see you feeling badly and tried to make everything go right for you. Maybe you grew up constantly disappointed by folks around you and pretty much decided it’s not worth getting your hopes up because no good will come of it. Perhaps you’ve already suffered so much disappointment that you think you can’t bear any more. Or you may be so down on yourself that you can’t even imagine succeeding.
What do you tell yourself about trying and being disappointed? Is it rational and healthy or do you talk yourself out of making an effort in fear of failing and feeling disappointed? How will you ever get anywhere if you don’t try? How will you ever learn to bear disappointment well if you don’t experience it? You can learn to handle disappointment by changing your beliefs about it and surrounding yourself with a people who won’t regularly disappoint you but who will help you through hard times. Now you can bear feelings you couldn’t bear as a child because you’re wiser and smarter. Learn more about disappointment in my FOOD AND FEELINGS WORKBOOK.
By accepting you will be accessing a service provided by a third-party external to https://www.karenrkoenig.com/
This website is owned and operated by Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW. It contains material intended for informational and educational purposes only, and reasonable effort is made to keep its contents updated. Any material contained herein is not to be construed as the practice of clinical social work or of psychotherapy, although adherence to applicable Florida States, Rules, and Code of Ethics is observed. Material on this website is not intended as a substitute for medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment for mental health issues or eating disorder problems, which should be done only through individualized therapeutic consultation. Karen R. Koenig, LCSW disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained on this website. This website contains links to other sites. The inclusion of such links does not necessarily constitute endorsement by Karen R. Koenig, LCSW who disclaims any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained in this website. Further, Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, does not and cannot guarantee the accuracy or current usefulness of the material contained in the linked sites. Users of any website must be aware of the limitation to confidentiality and privacy, and website usage does not carry any guarantee or privacy of any information contained therein.