The members of my  "Food and Feelings" message board often inspire my blogs and this topic is another example. Ever wonder why you seem to hate your body or why other people can love their body at any size, but you haven’t been able to? Well, read on. If you were a victim of emotional or physical (including sexual) abuse as a child, you may think that because your parents or other adults devalued and mistreated your body there was something wrong with or bad about it, and that you should treat it badly too. The example a board member gave was being awakened in the middle of the night to one of her parents who was angry at the other one but feared showing it beating up on. Then this parent reawakened this poor child later in the night to apologize! Imagine if this happened to you repeatedly. You would,...

Many girls or women with eating problems look enviously at a model or celebrity photo in a magazine and say, “Wow, I’d love to look like her!” What you may not realize is that even she doesn’t look like her image because of a technique called air-brushing. After having received a link to information about it, I knew I had to pass it on to all of you. The link, http://www.catalogs.com/resource/airbrushing-in-catalogs.html, explains the technique, including why and how it’s used. “Airbrushing is…an artistic technique that relies on a special tool called an airbrush…utilized to spray different forms of media like dyes, paints or inks; this compressed air tool uses a procedure that is referred to as nebulization…the conversion of any sample that is vaporized into some atomic components. The problem…stems from the media’s constant overuse of it [airbrushing], especially on the images of famous women such as actresses, singers and models.”...

I was fortunate enough to get a peek at a new video, ED101, produced by NORMAL (the National Organization to Build Resilience and Mindfulness through Arts Learning) and want to let you know about it. It’s a new, free (!!!), 35-minute, documentary style film that should be seen by no less than every man, woman and child in America. Here’s what the press release says about it: “The film is being circulated to schools and communities nationwide and presents a comprehensive overview of a widespread, yet highly misunderstood, mental illness through the lens of a compelling musical arts piece. Expert commentaries and insights are provided through interviews with clinicians, ED association leaders and family members who have been impacted by the disease.” The film also offers “hopeful journeys” from those who have recovered from EDs. Through music and photography, we meet and get to know people with eating disorders—anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating....

Although every day could be Love Your Body Day, for many disregulated eaters, this is far from the case. Sadly, one of the myths that pervades our society and keeps us shackled to food problems and weight obsessions is that our bodies are imperfect, contemptible, ugly, and mercilessly uncooperative in looking the way we wish them to look. To counter this mindset, I propose that for 24 hours on Wednesday, October 19, Love Your Body Day, all of you give loving your body your full attention and affection. Let’s get straight what loving your body entails. First, it does not mean that your body is perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect body. Collectively, culturally, we’ve decided what a “10” body means, but that’s only a trumped up standard which alters according to time and place. Some cultures revere round bodies, others muscular ones, or tall, thin ones that...

If you’re a large or heavy person and are wishing for romance, let me tell you about a friend of mine whom I’ll call “Clara.” As you read this blog, you’ll see what Clara has to teach you about weight and dates. Clara, an amazing woman in her 50s with a professional background and kids all grown up, was diagnosed a decade ago with a leg muscle disease and walks with the aid of crutches, using a small scooter for distances. To that she recently added a guide dog, and she talks openly about a time when she’ll be wheelchair bound. She works-part time which includes occasional travel and is a go-getter--the first to organize outings like kayaking, trike rides, and zip-lining. Divorced after a long marriage, she’s gone through many ups and downs before, during and after her split. She knows she may not be every man’s cup of tea,...

Often times I run into women—in my practice, in my life—who have everything going for them. They seem fit, look great, are brimming with pep and energy, yet are stuck on losing weight (they insist) in order to be happy. Maybe it’s three pounds or 15 or 100 they’d like to shed. Sometimes it’s enough that people would notice and sometimes no one ever would. Believe me, I recognize that it’s no fun being fat in this society, but it’s also no fun feeling badly about your body. The point is that I wonder what would happen if women let their weight loss dreams go. The “excess” weight doesn’t necessarily inhibit their being attractive, happy, healthy, or successful, so what’s really going on? Several things. First is that we have few if any role models of women feeling okay about their bodies. When was the last time you heard someone, a...

Not a week goes by when I don’t hear a client, message board member, or friend lamenting her appearance. The truth is that there are folks who center their lives around how they look, others whose goal is to be presentable, and still others who barely put any time and effort into what constitutes their appearance. Which type of person you are will likely predict how you feel about your weight. If you’re a person who loves to gussy up and make a fashion statement, you might be really bothered by gaining weight. It makes sense if your appearance is of high import to you. Similarly, if you were raised to value intelligence, athletic prowess, strength of character, or creativity above all, you’re likely unduly self-critical about any perceived inadequacy in these areas. So stop and take a minute to reflect on the values you grew up with, that is, how...

It’s very hard in this society not to hate fat. I don’t mean the saturated or unsaturated kind, but body fat. Much as it’s nearly impossible due to institutional racism to be White and non-racist in this society, it’s difficult not to get sucked into the cultural and institutional bias that condemns fat as one of humanity’s worst transgressions. You have a choice, however, to buy into this absurdity or opt out. Stop for a minute and think about why you hate the fat on your body or anyone else’s. List the reasons by saying, “Fat is…” or “Being fat means…” or “Fat people are...” Now comb through your list and decide if there’s actual evidence to back up your claim. For instance, say you think, “It’s terrible that fat people are out of control.” Folks are out of control in lots of ways in this society: they work, spend, watch...

What kind of people shame fat people? Have you ever thought about it? By understanding why they do what they do, you can let of the hurt and shame you feel if it happens to you. Being able to do that will help you put the shame where it belongs. As far as I can see, people who shame fat people come in two varieties. First, are folks who struggle with eating and weight themselves. They have contempt for their cravings for “bad” food and out of control eating. They are virtuous when they eat healthfully and wicked when they eat unhealthfully. They try to hold themselves on a tight lease with food. Some of them succeed and some don’t. They come from a place of fearing fat so much that they must hate it to keep it at a distance. Their shaming is not about you but about themselves, as...

I don’t know what it’s like in other parts of the world, but, as we all know, fat phobia is alive and well and living in the USA. It is real, rampant, and culturally accepted. However, there are ways to deal with it that don’t bring you down and make you feel badly about yourself. Learning them might take time, but they do work. I had a client in Massachusetts who loved to ride her bike. Yes, she was technically obese, but she hiked and loved camping and just about anything to do with the outdoors. One day when she was coasting along, some boys started to tease her and call her something like “fat bottom.” She just kept on biking. No surprise that when she passed them another day, they yelled the same things at her. A feisty woman, she yelled something back like “stupid heads” or the like and...

If you haven’t heard about the Health at Every Size (aka HAES) movement, you’re missing out on a critical approach to working through food and body issues. Described by Dr. Linda Bacon in HEALTH AT EVERY SIZE (in her new 2010 edition), this well-documented and enlightening guide to living healthfully at any and every size is guaranteed to make you feel better about yourself and your body.To quote from their website ( HYPERLINK "http://www.haescommunity.org/" http://www.haescommunity.org/): “Health at Every Size is based on the simple premise that the best way to improve health is to honor your body. It supports people in adopting health habits for the sake of health and well-being [my emphasis] (rather than weight control). Health at Every Size encourages: Accepting and respecting the natural diversity of body sizes and shapes; Eating in a flexible manner that values pleasure and honors internal cues of hunger, satiety, and appetite; and...

Much as I encourage clients and Food and Feelings message board members to speak their minds, I draw the line at fat talk which involves putting your body or someone else’s down because it is fat, large, or unshapely. This kind of talk is dangerous to self-esteem and mental health. Fortunately, we all can play a part in ending it. Psychological researchers define fat talk as “body-denigrating conversation between girls and women” (Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 6/4/13, “‘Fat talk’ can carry a steep cost” by Jan Hoffman, Health and Fitness, p. 28E). Of course, men can take part in these exchanges as well, but are less likely to do so. Hoffman explains fat talk as a “bonding ritual” that can be “contagious, aggravating poor body image and even setting the stage for eating disorders.” How many women participate in fat talk? One study concluded that “93% of college women admitted to engaging in...

If you’re overweight or obese, you may have had the experience of not getting the attention you need at medical visits. A recent Journal of Academic Medicine study confirms why (Time/Health and Family online, “Medical students may already be biased against obese patients” by Alexandra Sifferlin, 5/24/13). Yes, there’s bias against you, but that’s no excuse for not getting the medical care you require and deserve. The study “shows that two out of five medical students have a subconscious bias against obese people…and that this way of thinking can appear before doctors even start to treat patients.” The study involved explicit bias, which occurs when people are aware of their prejudice, and implicit bias, which occurs when they’re not. “Based on the results, 39% of the students had a moderate to strong subconscious bias against the overweight, and less than 25% of the students were aware of their bias.” A February...

I was lunching with a friend who mentioned having read a biography of Lucrezia Borgia, an Italian femme fatale, which described the extreme lengths women went to in order to have a ghostly white complexion, the epitome of beauty back in the 1400 and 1500s. Frankly, they make as much sense as what women do nowadays to be thin. Here’s the skin beautifying description that Sarah Bradford provides in LUCREZIA BORGIA—LIFE, LOVE AND DEATH IN RENAISSANCE ITALY (page 146). “Foreheads were to be kept high, white and serene by hair removal, by applying a past of mastic overnight. Perhaps the most revolting beauty treatment for whitening the skin of the face, neck, hands and other parts of the body ‘whiter than alabaster’ was this…from Marinello: ‘Take two young white doves, cut off their necks, pluck them and draw out their innards, then grind them with four ounces of peach stones, the...

While shopping here in Florida, I stopped to sit down to rest and people watch. One of the first things I noticed is the amazing variety of bodies to be seen. I mention being in Florida because without lots of clothing, our body outlines are so clearly visible. Let me share my observations, then I’ll tell you why I think they’re important. My major one was that there seemed to be a greater variety of men’s shapes and sizes which would be deemed “acceptable” than there are for women. Now, I know this is no big surprise, but it’s worth noting. Here are the male body shapes I noticed. One man walking by had broad shoulders which tapered down to a small waist and thin legs. His adult son, walking next to him, had the same contours. Another man was as broad, practically all neck and shoulders, and the rest of...

I read two articles in the same week (in the 12/12 issue of the Duke Medicine Newsletter and in the Tufts Health and Nutrition Letter) that said fat people can be fit, so that means the truth is finally getting out. The original study these articles were based on was described in the 9/5/12 EUROPEAN HEART JOURNAL. If you’re tired of your doctors insisting that you have to lose weight to be healthy, listen up. The bottom line, based on a study of more than 43,000 Americans, is that although obesity is often associated with disease, a subgroup of obese people don’t suffer from what medicine calls “metabolic syndrome.” The Tufts article, Almost Half of Obese Are Nonetheless “Metabolically Healthy, says that many of these healthy obese people “were found to be more fit than most, regardless of weight…” The upshot is that “obese people are at no greater risk of...

If you are going to get past fat shaming—letting others do it to you and doing it to yourself—you will have to understand the dynamics of why and how it happens. If you are still allowing (yes, allowing!) fat shaming to happen, then you are part of the problem. Remember, it takes two not only to tango, but for shaming to take place. An article in The Guardian online, “Fat-shaming: how the slim and sanctimonious help to cause our obesity crisis” by Gaby Hinsliff (9/11/14), provides an excellent discussion of the topic as it is experienced in the UK. Hinsliff explains why “sitting in judgment of fat people” has become so official and public: “Doctors are told not to be afraid of the word ‘fat,’ to stop muttering about body mass index and starting telling it like it is” and in tough economic times she reckons that employers think, “Why should...

It seems to me that there are two kinds of fat shaming: about what and how much a person eats and about their size. Why does fat shaming happen? The simple answer is because we all let it happen. We need to call this abuse by its name and stop it in its tracks—make it taboo—or it will continue. You can start by not shaming yourself. Shaming someone about what or how much they eat is common place: Are you going to eat all that? Do you really think you should eat so much? Why don’t you eat something more low fat or low calorie? You know you shouldn’t eat that! Let’s assume that some people who say these things love you and care about your health and well-being. If you don’t tell them that their words are hurtful—and totally unhelpful—how will they know in their ignorance that they’re making things...

It’s Weight Stigma Awareness Week! Because size stigma is a cultural problem, that is, large people have difficulty due to the negative meanings society ascribes to fat, they fare better when they understand the physical effects that stigma has on their nervous systems and can resist internalizing such arbitrary prejudices. *STUDY: “Associations of weight stigma with cortisol and oxidative stress independent of adiposity, “Tomiyama, A. Janet; Epel, Elissa S.; McClatchey, Trissa M.; Poelke, Gina; Kemeny, Margaret E.; McCoy, Shannon K.; Daubenmier, Jennifer, Health Psychology, Vol 33(8), Aug 2014, 862-867. doi: 10.1037/hea0000107.Result: “Independent of abdominal fat, weight stigma was significantly related to measures of cortisol…as well as high oxidative stress. Perceived stress mediated the relationship between weight stigma consciousness and the cortisol awakening process. Conclusion: “…Weight stigma is associated with greater biochemical stress, independent of level of adiposity. It is possible that weight stigma may contribute to poor health underlying some forms...

Generally we think of weight stigma as a result of being overweight, but what if it is also a trigger to putting on pounds? We already know that stigma stresses the body and produces more of the chemicals that harm optimal well being. Now we are discovering how this process takes a psychological toll as well. In “Stigma and the perpetuation of obesity, Alexandra A. Brewis (Social Science and Medicine, vol. 118, pages 152-128) tells us that “social stigmatization of obesity seems to be strengthening and globalizing” and describes “four mechanisms by which a pervasive environment of fat sigma could reinforce high body weights or promote weight gain, ultimately driving population-level obesity.” Stop and think about what this means. I mean really reconsider, because disregulated eaters generally view fat as an individual problem, a la “I did this to myself.” This study is saying the opposite, and it’s an enlightening new...

An interesting discussion on my Food and Feelings message board was about wearing clothes that are too tight. If your weight goes up and down, wearing clothes that fit just right might be a challenge for you too. Here are my thoughts on the subject. If you’ve put on weight or if your body weight has shifted and clothes are restrictive and pinch your flesh, it’s important to examine this situation from several angles. Here are some questions to answer: What does my body feel like in tight clothes? What does my body feel like in loose clothes? What does my body feel like in clothes that fit just right? How do I look to myself and others in too tight or too loose clothing? What are my reasons for wearing clothes that are uncomfortable? Many people continue to wear clothes that are too tight because they refuse to buy a...

Our view of our bodies is not fixed as you might think. The way people think about their overweight bodies may be due to the size and weight of people around them. Or so says a new-1.3 million person study from the University of California-Boulder. According to a Journal of Health and Social Behavior study analyzing the three-way relationship among obesity, life satisfaction and where you live (Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 6/10/14, 29E), “obese men and women who live in U.S. counties with high levels of obesity are much happier than obese men and women who live in slender areas. Nor do people of ‘normal weight’ enjoy much advantage in neighborhoods with more flesh per capita.” The study’s conclusion: what is important to us is that in order to feel satisfied, we need to “look like the people around us.” The study was done by asking people to rate their satisfaction and the...

No matter how much I insist that fat phobia is nothing more than a cultural phenomenon, disregulated eaters are unwilling to believe this fact. Well, here’s a great illustration of the truth from an article entitled “Much too fat: the doctor says it’s time to slim down.” (The Economist, 6/14/14, page 44). The article comes out of Johannesburg, South Africa and describes how that country’s people are now considered the fattest in Africa. It reports that high weight “is evidence, to many South Africans, of the good life: fast food, a fast car, an urban lifestyle. Moreover, a chubby woman traditionally betokened health and beauty, whereas thinness smacked of disease. Among men, a big belly is often thought to spell maturity, wealth, and success. South Africa’s latest government is a portly crew, with many a ministerial suit bursting at the seams.” The article goes on to observe that “Most South Africans...

Our brain uses its own shorthand to help us negotiate life. It categorizes people, places, events, etc. as life-enhancing or life-threatening based on its initial encounters with them in childhood or adolescence. As adults, we’re able to delete them from one category and add them to another. Imagine doing this with how you think about “fat.” Say as a school-age child, your first encounter with body fat is that your family thinks you’re adorable because they’re all a bit on the stout side. Then, when you get to school, your teacher leads discussions about body diversity and no one mentions that you’re a bit chubbier than many children in class. You’re active and value yourself and don’t think much about carrying more weight than other kids. How might your brain categorize fat in terms of “good,” “neutral,” or “bad”? Probably as good or as neutral. On the other hand, as a...

Once again, I’m grateful to a client for bringing up an issue that too often plagues disregulated eaters: the compulsion to compare your body with that of others. In this, the most fat-phobic, thin-obsessed period in the history of the world, comparison may seem like normal behavior. But, truth is, it’s anything but. My client related her ah ha moment to me. There she was out shopping in her body that she wished were 30 pounds thinner than it was and out of the corner of her eye, she caught another woman walking by. Without thinking, she might have glanced at this woman and automatically done the quickie assessment so many disregulated eaters do, asking herself, “Is this woman thinner or fatter than I am?” But because she has been trying to accept her body as is, she willed herself not to glance at this female passer by. She said she...

A negative body view too often accompanies eating problems and it can be hard to shake. If you’re serious about wanting to feel positive about your body at any weight, you won’t want to miss BODY COMPASSION, Jean Fain’s new (free!) video series. This series is a natural follow-up to THE SELF-COMPASSION DIET, a book by Jean Fain, LICSW, which is really no diet at all, but an approach to loving your body into health and fitness. Her five-part video series is a great teaching tool. Part 1, Why Body Image Matters, describes the health and mental health risks of having poor body image and how developing a positive body image actually can help you reach your eating and weight goals. My bet is that you put lots of mental energy on how you feel about your body, but perhaps not so much on how those feelings affect your eating and...

No matter what your size, gender, or age, you can play a part in stopping fat shaming—whether it’s done privately by someone you know or publicly by someone like Donald Trump shaming a former Miss Universe contestant’s weight gain and opining that a recent hacking of the Democratic National Committee could have been done by “somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds.” (“The shame of fat shaming,” by Gina Kolata,10/1/16, http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/02/sunday-review/the-shame-of-fat-shaming.html?_r=0) Science writer Gina Kolata describes studies on the impact of weight stigma on children and adults. The effects are real, harmful, and they’re lasting. Finally, fighting discrimination against higher weight people is becoming a major issue in this country and the movement behind it is growing stronger. It’s taking its rightful place next to movements to end prejudice against people of color, women, gays, lesbians, transgendered people, and the physically challenged. What are you—yes, you in particular—doing about...

You may think that, because of your own eating struggles, you know how to talk with your daughters (or nieces or granddaughters) about weight. Or, never having had eating or weight concerns, you may not pay much attention to what you say about their bodies or their eating. Either way, here’s the latest research on the subject. You Can't Talk to Girls About Their Weight by Carleen Wild (LifeZette, retrieved 6/17/16, http://www.lifezette.com/healthzette/you-cant-talk-to-girls-about-weight/) is based on research by Brian Wansink, PhD, who was inspired to study this subject because he has three daughters. His take home message is that parents need to be extremely careful about what they say to their female progeny about their bodies. “His team found that women who recall comments from their parents about their weight are more prone to being overweight as adults and less satisfied with their weight than other people.” Of course, this is only...

When clients talk about not wanting to be “fat” or become “fat,” I ask them what exactly that means to them. What images do they conjure up, what do those images say about them and the society we live in, and what is having a “fat” body all about for them, whatever their current weight? Does “fat” mean the same thing to men and women, young and old, all races and ethnicities? Fat used to mean having accumulated enough money to eat well and was a sign of wealth and status. Just as lawns were a (status) symbol of having excess land beyond what a person needed to farm and grow food or raise livestock, fat was a way of indicating that you had plenty, in fact, more than you needed. In a world of food scarcity, it was a way of flaunting excess and success. In my middle-class childhood, being...

One of the most debilitating issues about having a high weight is the stigma attached to it by this culture. The debilitation comes in great part from fear of social rejection. My hunch is that how you feel about rejection in general is a major factor in how you perceive negative reactions to your weight or body size in social situations. In “Unpacking the psychological weight of weight stigma: a rejection-expectation pathway” (Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, vol. 63, 3/16, pp. 69-76), authors Blodorn, Major, Hunger and Miller studied expectations of social rejection in women and men who had various body weights and BMIs. No surprise that “Men’s responses were largely unaffected by body-weight” in the dating context of the experiment. However, the study concluded that, “As predicted, high body-weight women reported increased expectations of social rejection…which in turn predicted decreased self-esteem, increased self-conscious emotions, and increased stress.” Of course, culturally...

I’d love to tell you that fat shaming is well on its way to being eradicated forever, but isn’t. According to 2015 ObesityWeek study, “Data from research with more than 70,000 US adults beginning in 2014 suggests that ‘the public increasingly understands that obesity is more complicated than simplistic notions of personal responsibility or blame.’” (ConscienHealth, “Fat shaming is down, but weight bias persists, retrieved 11/13/15). It’s fantastic news the public is finally recognizing how complicated the subjects of eating and weight are and that fewer folks are buying into the shame-and-blame model of weight stigma. I hope you’re one of the enlightened, both when you view higher weight individuals and if you have a higher weight yourself. As eating disorder therapists and researchers have been insisting for decades, gaining weight, not losing it, or not keeping it off is not about a simple eat-less-exercise-more formula. Far from it. Science has...

We’ve long known that the language used to describe people can strongly impact how they’re viewed and how they view themselves. In social work school, I was taught to describe clients as people “with” or who “have” a condition—people with addictions rather than addicts or people with schizophrenia rather than schizophrenics. This is called people-first language.The editors of the journal Obesity recently developed a statement about the language to use in describing people who have high weights. Here are some excepts from it: “Describing individuals as obese as opposed to having obesity could have a negative impact on how people view them. People-first language has been widely adopted for most chronic diseases and disabilities, but not obesity.” For example, persons with diabetes, rather than diabetics or persons with disabilities, rather than the disabled. “Labeling individuals as obese creates negative feelings toward individuals with obesity, perpetuates weight bias, and must be avoided....

For those of you who fear being stigmatized for your larger-than-average size, finally, some good news. The article, “Fat stigma fading? Fewer see obesity as problem of bad personal choices, survey says” (11/6/14, WBUR’s CommonHealth), tells us that new research indicates that “the general public and health care providers are starting to view obesity as a ‘community problem of shared risks’ as opposed to a personal problem stemming from ‘bad choices.’” Quotes from the Obesity Society News suggest a “significant shift in perceptions of obesity in 2014,” and that “data also show differences among various demographic groups. In 2014, younger and higher income respondents more likely view obesity as a community problem. Older respondents more likely view it as a medical problem. Male and rural respondents more likely view obesity as a personal problem of bad choices.” Says Rebecca Puhl, PhD, Deputy Director at Yale University’s Rudd Center for Food Policy...

While reading our local paper, I came across a photo captioned “Dancing to support first responders” which really caught my eye. The photo was of a couple dancing the tango. Each was what our culture might call “overweight” or what I prefer to call on the higher end of the weight spectrum. The pose they struck showed their grace and dancing prowess. The story accompanying the photo was about why they chose to be in a charity dance competition to benefit such an important cause. I immediately thought back to the two clients I’d seen the day before who’d complained that they were too large and embarrassed to be seen exercising. Both came from highly judgmental families, but neither was of such a high weight that she couldn’t jog, dance, or exercise. I’d seen both bound up the path to my office when they were running late for a session, so obviously,...

Image by Debbie Digioia  No matter what our weight, too many women (and men, to a lesser degree) think it’s natural to vilify fat and, if you’re of a high weight, that you need to feel badly about it. Can we all agree that we live in a fat phobic, thin-obsessed society—and it’s been that way for far too long? It’s so normalized into our society that fat is out and thin is in that you may not know that there was a time, as I do nearing age 70, when norms were otherwise, back in the days of zaftig beauties like Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield. I discuss body image often with clients and sometimes with friends, and have come to recognize two unequal perspectives about being large in our culture. The first is to shrug and say that these are the norms and that all we can do is try to...