An interesting discussion on my Food and Feelings message board was about wearing clothes that are too tight. If your weight goes up and down, wearing clothes that fit just right might be a challenge for you too. Here are my thoughts on the subject. If you’ve put on weight or if your body weight has shifted and clothes are restrictive and pinch your flesh, it’s important to examine this situation from several angles. Here are some questions to answer: What does my body feel like in tight clothes? What does my body feel like in loose clothes? What does my body feel like in clothes that fit just right? How do I look to myself and others in too tight or too loose clothing? What are my reasons for wearing clothes that are uncomfortable? Many people continue to wear clothes that are too tight because they refuse to buy a...
Karen's Blogs
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Karen's Blogs
Our brain uses its own shorthand to help us negotiate life. It categorizes people, places, events, etc. as life-enhancing or life-threatening based on its initial encounters with them in childhood or adolescence. As adults, we’re able to delete them from one category and add them to another. Imagine doing this with how you think about “fat.” Say as a school-age child, your first encounter with body fat is that your family thinks you’re adorable because they’re all a bit on the stout side. Then, when you get to school, your teacher leads discussions about body diversity and no one mentions that you’re a bit chubbier than many children in class. You’re active and value yourself and don’t think much about carrying more weight than other kids. How might your brain categorize fat in terms of “good,” “neutral,” or “bad”? Probably as good or as neutral. On the other hand, as a...
Once again, I’m grateful to a client for bringing up an issue that too often plagues disregulated eaters: the compulsion to compare your body with that of others. In this, the most fat-phobic, thin-obsessed period in the history of the world, comparison may seem like normal behavior. But, truth is, it’s anything but. My client related her ah ha moment to me. There she was out shopping in her body that she wished were 30 pounds thinner than it was and out of the corner of her eye, she caught another woman walking by. Without thinking, she might have glanced at this woman and automatically done the quickie assessment so many disregulated eaters do, asking herself, “Is this woman thinner or fatter than I am?” But because she has been trying to accept her body as is, she willed herself not to glance at this female passer by. She said she...
A negative body view too often accompanies eating problems and it can be hard to shake. If you’re serious about wanting to feel positive about your body at any weight, you won’t want to miss BODY COMPASSION, Jean Fain’s new (free!) video series. This series is a natural follow-up to THE SELF-COMPASSION DIET, a book by Jean Fain, LICSW, which is really no diet at all, but an approach to loving your body into health and fitness. Her five-part video series is a great teaching tool. Part 1, Why Body Image Matters, describes the health and mental health risks of having poor body image and how developing a positive body image actually can help you reach your eating and weight goals. My bet is that you put lots of mental energy on how you feel about your body, but perhaps not so much on how those feelings affect your eating and...
Much as I encourage clients and Food and Feelings message board members to speak their minds, I draw the line at fat talk which involves putting your body or someone else’s down because it is fat, large, or unshapely. This kind of talk is dangerous to self-esteem and mental health. Fortunately, we all can play a part in ending it. Psychological researchers define fat talk as “body-denigrating conversation between girls and women” (Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 6/4/13, “‘Fat talk’ can carry a steep cost” by Jan Hoffman, Health and Fitness, p. 28E). Of course, men can take part in these exchanges as well, but are less likely to do so. Hoffman explains fat talk as a “bonding ritual” that can be “contagious, aggravating poor body image and even setting the stage for eating disorders.” How many women participate in fat talk? One study concluded that “93% of college women admitted to engaging in...
If you’re overweight or obese, you may have had the experience of not getting the attention you need at medical visits. A recent Journal of Academic Medicine study confirms why (Time/Health and Family online, “Medical students may already be biased against obese patients” by Alexandra Sifferlin, 5/24/13). Yes, there’s bias against you, but that’s no excuse for not getting the medical care you require and deserve. The study “shows that two out of five medical students have a subconscious bias against obese people…and that this way of thinking can appear before doctors even start to treat patients.” The study involved explicit bias, which occurs when people are aware of their prejudice, and implicit bias, which occurs when they’re not. “Based on the results, 39% of the students had a moderate to strong subconscious bias against the overweight, and less than 25% of the students were aware of their bias.” A February...
I was lunching with a friend who mentioned having read a biography of Lucrezia Borgia, an Italian femme fatale, which described the extreme lengths women went to in order to have a ghostly white complexion, the epitome of beauty back in the 1400 and 1500s. Frankly, they make as much sense as what women do nowadays to be thin. Here’s the skin beautifying description that Sarah Bradford provides in LUCREZIA BORGIA—LIFE, LOVE AND DEATH IN RENAISSANCE ITALY (page 146). “Foreheads were to be kept high, white and serene by hair removal, by applying a past of mastic overnight. Perhaps the most revolting beauty treatment for whitening the skin of the face, neck, hands and other parts of the body ‘whiter than alabaster’ was this…from Marinello: ‘Take two young white doves, cut off their necks, pluck them and draw out their innards, then grind them with four ounces of peach stones, the...
While shopping here in Florida, I stopped to sit down to rest and people watch. One of the first things I noticed is the amazing variety of bodies to be seen. I mention being in Florida because without lots of clothing, our body outlines are so clearly visible. Let me share my observations, then I’ll tell you why I think they’re important. My major one was that there seemed to be a greater variety of men’s shapes and sizes which would be deemed “acceptable” than there are for women. Now, I know this is no big surprise, but it’s worth noting. Here are the male body shapes I noticed. One man walking by had broad shoulders which tapered down to a small waist and thin legs. His adult son, walking next to him, had the same contours. Another man was as broad, practically all neck and shoulders, and the rest of...
This culture can cause heavy people to feel as if fat can’t be sexy, but that’s only cultural bias. If you’re fat, you have two choices: to dislike and hide your body or to feel good about it and decide how to show it off in its best light. If you’re going the latter route, here are some great suggestions from Advice Goddess Amy Alkon (Think you’re fat? Try this at home, TICKET, SARASOTA HERALD-TRIBUNE, 12/20/12). She begins by offering research that tells us that “‘walking the walk’—acting the way you’d like to feel—is one of the most effective ways to change how you feel.” When I make this suggestion to clients (about anything, not just body attitudes), I almost always hear, “But I can’t do something I don’t believe. It just doesn’t feel right.” Well, duh, that’s how change occurs: by doing something that feels uncomfortable. So, either do what...
I read two articles in the same week (in the 12/12 issue of the Duke Medicine Newsletter and in the Tufts Health and Nutrition Letter) that said fat people can be fit, so that means the truth is finally getting out. The original study these articles were based on was described in the 9/5/12 EUROPEAN HEART JOURNAL. If you’re tired of your doctors insisting that you have to lose weight to be healthy, listen up. The bottom line, based on a study of more than 43,000 Americans, is that although obesity is often associated with disease, a subgroup of obese people don’t suffer from what medicine calls “metabolic syndrome.” The Tufts article, Almost Half of Obese Are Nonetheless “Metabolically Healthy, says that many of these healthy obese people “were found to be more fit than most, regardless of weight…” The upshot is that “obese people are at no greater risk of...
What kind of people shame fat people? Have you ever thought about it? By understanding why they do what they do, you can let of the hurt and shame you feel if it happens to you. Being able to do that will help you put the shame where it belongs. As far as I can see, people who shame fat people come in two varieties. First, are folks who struggle with eating and weight themselves. They have contempt for their cravings for “bad” food and out of control eating. They are virtuous when they eat healthfully and wicked when they eat unhealthfully. They try to hold themselves on a tight lease with food. Some of them succeed and some don’t. They come from a place of fearing fat so much that they must hate it to keep it at a distance. Their shaming is not about you but about themselves, as...
I don’t know what it’s like in other parts of the world, but, as we all know, fat phobia is alive and well and living in the USA. It is real, rampant, and culturally accepted. However, there are ways to deal with it that don’t bring you down and make you feel badly about yourself. Learning them might take time, but they do work. I had a client in Massachusetts who loved to ride her bike. Yes, she was technically obese, but she hiked and loved camping and just about anything to do with the outdoors. One day when she was coasting along, some boys started to tease her and call her something like “fat bottom.” She just kept on biking. No surprise that when she passed them another day, they yelled the same things at her. A feisty woman, she yelled something back like “stupid heads” or the like and...
The members of my "Food and Feelings" message board often inspire my blogs and this topic is another example. Ever wonder why you seem to hate your body or why other people can love their body at any size, but you haven’t been able to? Well, read on. If you were a victim of emotional or physical (including sexual) abuse as a child, you may think that because your parents or other adults devalued and mistreated your body there was something wrong with or bad about it, and that you should treat it badly too. The example a board member gave was being awakened in the middle of the night to one of her parents who was angry at the other one but feared showing it beating up on. Then this parent reawakened this poor child later in the night to apologize! Imagine if this happened to you repeatedly. You would,...
If you’re a large or heavy person and are wishing for romance, let me tell you about a friend of mine whom I’ll call “Clara.” As you read this blog, you’ll see what Clara has to teach you about weight and dates. Clara, an amazing woman in her 50s with a professional background and kids all grown up, was diagnosed a decade ago with a leg muscle disease and walks with the aid of crutches, using a small scooter for distances. To that she recently added a guide dog, and she talks openly about a time when she’ll be wheelchair bound. She works-part time which includes occasional travel and is a go-getter--the first to organize outings like kayaking, trike rides, and zip-lining. Divorced after a long marriage, she’s gone through many ups and downs before, during and after her split. She knows she may not be every man’s cup of tea,...
Often times I run into women—in my practice, in my life—who have everything going for them. They seem fit, look great, are brimming with pep and energy, yet are stuck on losing weight (they insist) in order to be happy. Maybe it’s three pounds or 15 or 100 they’d like to shed. Sometimes it’s enough that people would notice and sometimes no one ever would. Believe me, I recognize that it’s no fun being fat in this society, but it’s also no fun feeling badly about your body. The point is that I wonder what would happen if women let their weight loss dreams go. The “excess” weight doesn’t necessarily inhibit their being attractive, happy, healthy, or successful, so what’s really going on? Several things. First is that we have few if any role models of women feeling okay about their bodies. When was the last time you heard someone, a...
Many girls or women with eating problems look enviously at a model or celebrity photo in a magazine and say, “Wow, I’d love to look like her!” What you may not realize is that even she doesn’t look like her image because of a technique called air-brushing. After having received a link to information about it, I knew I had to pass it on to all of you. The link, http://www.catalogs.com/resource/airbrushing-in-catalogs.html, explains the technique, including why and how it’s used. “Airbrushing is…an artistic technique that relies on a special tool called an airbrush…utilized to spray different forms of media like dyes, paints or inks; this compressed air tool uses a procedure that is referred to as nebulization…the conversion of any sample that is vaporized into some atomic components. The problem…stems from the media’s constant overuse of it [airbrushing], especially on the images of famous women such as actresses, singers and models.”...
I was fortunate enough to get a peek at a new video, ED101, produced by NORMAL (the National Organization to Build Resilience and Mindfulness through Arts Learning) and want to let you know about it. It’s a new, free (!!!), 35-minute, documentary style film that should be seen by no less than every man, woman and child in America. Here’s what the press release says about it: “The film is being circulated to schools and communities nationwide and presents a comprehensive overview of a widespread, yet highly misunderstood, mental illness through the lens of a compelling musical arts piece. Expert commentaries and insights are provided through interviews with clinicians, ED association leaders and family members who have been impacted by the disease.” The film also offers “hopeful journeys” from those who have recovered from EDs. Through music and photography, we meet and get to know people with eating disorders—anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating....
Although every day could be Love Your Body Day, for many disregulated eaters, this is far from the case. Sadly, one of the myths that pervades our society and keeps us shackled to food problems and weight obsessions is that our bodies are imperfect, contemptible, ugly, and mercilessly uncooperative in looking the way we wish them to look. To counter this mindset, I propose that for 24 hours on Wednesday, October 19, Love Your Body Day, all of you give loving your body your full attention and affection. Let’s get straight what loving your body entails. First, it does not mean that your body is perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect body. Collectively, culturally, we’ve decided what a “10” body means, but that’s only a trumped up standard which alters according to time and place. Some cultures revere round bodies, others muscular ones, or tall, thin ones that...
If you haven’t heard about the Health at Every Size (aka HAES) movement, you’re missing out on a critical approach to working through food and body issues. Described by Dr. Linda Bacon in HEALTH AT EVERY SIZE (in her new 2010 edition), this well-documented and enlightening guide to living healthfully at any and every size is guaranteed to make you feel better about yourself and your body.To quote from their website ( HYPERLINK "http://www.haescommunity.org/" http://www.haescommunity.org/): “Health at Every Size is based on the simple premise that the best way to improve health is to honor your body. It supports people in adopting health habits for the sake of health and well-being [my emphasis] (rather than weight control). Health at Every Size encourages: Accepting and respecting the natural diversity of body sizes and shapes; Eating in a flexible manner that values pleasure and honors internal cues of hunger, satiety, and appetite; and...
Not a week goes by when I don’t hear a client, message board member, or friend lamenting her appearance. The truth is that there are folks who center their lives around how they look, others whose goal is to be presentable, and still others who barely put any time and effort into what constitutes their appearance. Which type of person you are will likely predict how you feel about your weight. If you’re a person who loves to gussy up and make a fashion statement, you might be really bothered by gaining weight. It makes sense if your appearance is of high import to you. Similarly, if you were raised to value intelligence, athletic prowess, strength of character, or creativity above all, you’re likely unduly self-critical about any perceived inadequacy in these areas. So stop and take a minute to reflect on the values you grew up with, that is, how...
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