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Blogs are brief, to-the-point, conversational, and packed with information, strategies, and tips to turn troubled eaters into “normal” eaters and to help you enjoy a happier, healthier life. Sign up by clicking "Subscribe" below and they’ll arrive in your inbox. 

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Standing up to Abuse

In 2009 I wrote a blog, Stages of Relationship Health, that I often refer to when discussing abuse. I suggest that you read it before reading this one. The blog describes three stages people move through to get out of an abusive relationship: 1) passivity and compliance, 2) anger, and 3) leaving the relationship. Talking with a client about anger at her narcissistic, abusive daughter and son-in-law, we established that she was moving from stage 1, passivity and compliance, to stage 2, anger, fluctuating between the two. Moreover, she was now thinking a good deal about stage 3, detaching from these relationships, a new focus. We discussed her shifts between stages 1 an 2 and what generated each response. She agreed that when she was in recall, an emotional state of fear triggered by memories of parental and spousal abuse, she became passive/compliant. But when she was in reality and in...

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Are You Often Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop?

Do you ever feel as if things are going swimmingly in your life—even as you’re waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop? If you frequently feel this paradoxical tug of simultaneous joy and fear, let me explain this dynamic and what you can do about it, the goal being that you lose the fear and keep the joy. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Somewhere along the way (okay, probably in childhood), you weren’t in charge of making yourself happy and had to share that job with parents, siblings and maybe even other relatives. Perhaps you’d be right in the middle of some joyful activity and something not so good would happen to pull the rug out from under you. In this way, you learned to become wary of feeling too good for too long because you figured that that there was a shoe out there ready to drop and end...

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Hyperarousal and Dissociation and Emotional Eating

Many dysregulated eaters bounce back and forth between two states: wildly emotional or detached and unfeeling. Both are a product of traumatic experiences and can lead to mindless, emotional and binge eating. By understanding why this happens to your mind/body, you will be better able to recognize these states, cope with them more effectively, and manage your eating more appropriately. These states, often the result of emotional, physical or sexual trauma, are hyperarousal and dissociation. The former is what we call the “fight or flight” response and is defined as “a state of increased psychological and physiological tension marked by such effects as reduced pain tolerance, anxiety, exaggeration of startle responses, insomnia, fatigue and accentuation of personality traits.” (“Hyperarousal” by Eileen Bailey, Health Central, Hyperarousal occurs when you’re highly agitated and so overwhelmed with emotion that you can’t think straight. Hyper-vigilance, or heightened fear, often goes along with hyperarousal. Dissociation...

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Imagine Yourself With a Different Childhood

May 22 Imagine a different childhood

Image by Debbie Digioia The other day I got to thinking about what many of my clients lives would be like if they’d been more valued and loved growing up. Relentlessly down on themselves, they harbor strong feelings that something is inherently wrong with them and that their defects are unfixable. The fact is, however, that they have no more flaws than the rest of us and lots fewer than many folks. There’s not a thing basically wrong with them, but everything wrong with the meaning they made of their value because of how they were treated in childhood. I raise this subject because feeling defective, more often than not, comes before eating problems. Clients describe it as experiencing a sense of not belonging, that others fit in better than they do, as not being adequate or good enough, as walking around with a stigma that they are less than and that nothing...

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Trauma Survivors and Emotional Eating


 Image by Debbie Digioia If you were a victim of trauma in childhood, it’s essential to understand that you may have a more complex set of problems than a dysregulated eater who hasn’t had traumatic experiences. This fact was brought home to me while I was reading “How Trauma Can Make a Victim a Victimizer: Using Empathy to Help Abusers Make Amends” by Noel Larson (Psychotherapy Networker online 7/12/16). Childhood trauma—including neglect and sexual/emotional/physical abuse—more often than not, produces a dysregulated nervous system. Larson tells us that, “When the primary caregiver is unwilling or unable to regulate an infant’s stress through attunement, the child suffers extreme anxiety, even terror. The child who doesn’t get the message that everything’s going to be all right can grow up unable to regulate his or her own affect. Without attunement, the infant’s brain has two major options: hyperarousal or dissociation. A hyperaroused child’s world is dominated by...

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