Accepting What You Can and Cannot Change part 1
It’s curious that sometimes I think my clients who are dysregulated eaters view what they can and cannot change exactly backward. For example, I think it can be hard to budge weight, but easier to shift what and how much we eat. They think it’s easier to change others than themselves and I believe in the opposite. Here’s a list of things I see as changeable. In part 2 of this blog, I’ll review the things I see as relatively fixed and not possible to change.
We can change our:
· friends because we chose them, or we allow ourselves to be chosen by them. Somewhere, maybe way back when, we formed a bond and have agreed to keep it and call it friendship. But that doesn’t mean we must keep it if it isn’t serving us well. As we change, we may need to cast off old friendships and seek out new ones.
· eating although it takes time, practice, persistence, making mistakes, encountering setbacks and may be a highly frustrating endeavor. It is entirely possible to do. Something that once felt like a part of you can one day seem like just a bad memory.
· job because no trade, profession or career need be permanent. Sure, we may get comfortable in a rut or have fears about what we’ll do in the future. We enjoy the money we make or the easy commute or the praise we get from colleagues and superiors. We’re only handed one lifetime, but we can have many jobs in it. Sometimes not changing jobs or careers is due to lacking imagination or confidence.
· lifestyle because it will make us feel better in the long-term even though it may make us uncomfortable in the short-term. We can live on less and do more, enjoy work to the point that it feels like play, and be more creative than productive. If you keep envisioning yourself living another way, go for it. Go from farm to city or city to farm. Move to another country. Put some style into your dull life.
· partner if we truly believe that there’s a better match for us out there or simply know that this person isn’t the one to make us happy for a lifetime. It doesn’t matter what family or friends (or your partner) may think. It only matters that you are convinced (or almost convinced) that there is someone in the world who would be a better complement to your and that your togetherness would be more than the sum of its parts. Sometimes there’s no one else you’re taken with, but you sense that there must be more than what’s happening between you and your partner. Or that you’d be happier alone.
To change, it’s better to say you won’t than to say you can’t, because you can.
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